Confidence Makes All the Difference

So we are feeling much better about the surgery after going to the doctor today.  We met the doctor who's going to do the surgery and he was very nice, very reassuring, and perhaps best of all, very confident.  He did the ultrasound for the sole purpose of helping us be comfortable with our decision.

Right away he said stuff was beginning to happen in my uterus, and even we could see a difference.  At the 6 week ultrasound (when the baby was still alive), there was a dark circle that would eventually have become the placenta.  At the 8 week ultrasound (2 weeks after the baby stopped growing), it was more of an oval.  Today, what should've been 10 weeks, it was misshapen, like a deflating balloon.  He said that was the beginning of the miscarriage.

He also showed us the fetal pole and how it measured 6 weeks and 4 days.  Then he showed us how big it should have been at 7 weeks (twice it's size), 8 weeks, and when I said I should be 10 weeks, he showed us how big it should be.  He said at that point it's a baby, very clear and easy to see.  All we could see was a little stick looking thing (he was pretty sure it was the fetal pole).  It was actually more difficult to see the baby on this ultrasound than the 8 week one, so it is very obvious, even to Stephen and I who cannot read ultrasounds, that there is no chance that this baby could be alive.

He said he couldn't tell for sure if the baby had implanted on the septum.  He said it was in the left half, and it looked like it was on the side, but he couldn't be sure.  He said we should still do the septum surgery, which we were going to do anyway.  I guess some people would say if it wasn't a problem this time, why do another surgery.  But for us, anything we can do to improve our chances is worth it.  It means we have to wait 3 - 4 months before we can start trying again, though.  6 - 8 weeks recovery from the D&C before the septum surgery, then 1 or 2 menstrual cycles recovery before trying again.  This means a late summer, fall, or winter baby, which is definitely not what I had planned, but at this point it doesn't seem as big of a deal.

The doctor offered us a card for a counselor, went through everything that's going to happen tomorrow, and spent some time just talking to us.  I have felt strangely okay all day.  Maybe this is God's way of showing me this is the right decision.  And the upside of not being pregnant and not being able to try to get pregnant is now I can drink caffeine and eat sushi.  I'm not a huge alcohol fan, but I could drink if I wanted to.  And I can get healthier and more in shape, which will hopefully lead to an easier pregnancy.