The first week of January was tough emotionally for me. We had taken a major step backwards in the sleep department and I was starting to lose it. I couldn't get Kaitlyn happy some days, and would end up sitting there crying with her. I was actually looking forward to going back to work and getting out of the house for a break. My sister nailed it on the head when she described me as a task oriented person. I like being able to check things off a to do list. I do not enjoy the process of getting things done. So much of the things at home are processes: first and foremost Kaitlyn, but also housework chores like dishes and laundry that can be "done," but are never really done. There's always the clothes you're wearing that are dirty or the cup you're drinking from that doesn't get washed. And because we were getting so little sleep at night, I was trying to sleep whenever Kaitlyn would nap, leaving very little time to get housework stuff done.
However, once I actually went back to work, it was harder than I expected. Stephen took the first week off to ease the transition for me. I still cried when I left the first day, even though she was playing happily when I left. I try to nurse her right before I leave, and when that hasn't lined up with when she wants to eat, things don't work out very well. Sometimes I have to leave knowing she's going to be hungry (but will get formula), which is really hard. I am beyond blessed to have my mother in law and my dad watching her while I'm at work, so I know she's in great hands. But it's still hard to walk out the door when she's fussing or crying.
I have decent classes: talkative, but not defiantly so. I find I have less patience for them, especially for the drama that happens so often in middle school. I'm much more forgetful (I actually forgot to do the warm up one day and couldn't figure out why we had so much time left). I also tried to get in the wrong car in the parking lot the other day. It was a gray Acura small SUV and I have a blue Highlander... The door wouldn't unlock and it took me a second to realize the unlocking beep was coming from a few cars away.
Sleep has been an elusive thing for us still. A typical night consists of bedtime routine starting at 7:30 and Kaitlyn going to sleep in her crib around 9. She'll sleep for an hour at most and wake up. She'll go back to sleep, but wake up every 5-30 minutes until around 11 if it's a good night. Then she'll sleep for 2-3 hours and wake up again. Be awake for around 2 hours and go back down in her crib for an hour (again, if we're lucky). This puts us around 5am and I am so exhausted at that point that I put her in bed with us where she'll nurse herself to sleep for another hour or two. I don't sleep well when she's in bed with us, which is one reason we don't do the family bed thing from the beginning of the night.
Our plan is to let her cry it out, but there always seems to be a speed bump. Around 4 months we figured out she had acid reflux and started medicine that started getting it under control. Then we started solids and she has had bad gas pains. When she wakes up, she'll scream and pull her legs up, then let a really painful sounding fart go. Sometimes she just wakes up and doesn't have gas, but not consistently enough for me to feel like I can let her cry it out. I know it's going to be hard, but knowing she could be in pain is just too much. Once we can get the gas under control (the doctor said hopefully when her colic is gone, which should be in the next month or two), then we'll work on sleep training. Until then, we get whatever sleep we can.
On the upside, she has gotten much better at napping. She pretty consistently takes a good morning nap (which I can take with her if she does it early and long enough) for an hour or two. And she'll almost always take an afternoon nap as well. Every once in a while, one in the evening. So at least her naps have improved.
Hanging out at our favorite restaurant, Pete's.
She has started being a lot more ticklish this month, which is fun. She would always move away from your hand, but now she giggles. She'll even anticipate if you tickle the same way repeatedly.
This month we also started using the Jumparoo and Exersaucer. She seems to prefer the Exersaucer so far, it's a little less stimulating. This picture was one of the first times we had her in the Jumparoo, before we realized it could be lowered so her feet would touch the ground without Cranium :).
Another big first this month was solid food! The doctor told us we could start solids after four months to try to help with the acid reflux and to help her gain some weight. And we hoped it would help her sleep. We started with rice cereal.
She did great with the eating part: didn't push out the food with her tongue, opened her mouth in anticipation. In fact, she's started opening her mouth in anticipation when I'm eating something, which obviously isn't going to work yet.
The problem with solids was that she got more gassy. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Pulling up her legs really tight, farting a lot, and being inconsolable. We stopped the solids for a couple weeks hoping her system would mature. When we tried again, we tried oatmeal cereal (I read rice cereal can make babies gassy), and it seemed to help a little bit. The next food we tried was prunes, which helped regulate her, but did not really help the gassiness. It's still an ongoing battle.
I'm still breastfeeding first and then supplementing formula. Some days she hardly takes any formula, some days she takes a lot. But at least she's getting immunities from me. Plus, I actually enjoy breastfeeding. She's calm and happy, and sometimes it's the only thing that will calm her down. She'll smile at me every once in a while, although she can't really eat while she's smiling. And she'll hold my finger with her hand, which is definitely a bonding moment. Other times she'll pull on my shirt or slowly open and close her hand on my chest while she's eating. And her top leg tends to be kicking slowly up and down. She just has a lot of energy.
The week before her 5 month birthday we took her to the doctor to check for an ear infection (more fussy than normal, pulling on her ear). She didn't have one, but we did get a chance to weigh her in at 12 lbs 9 oz, which puts her in the 13th percentile for weight. The doctor was happy with it, though, because it's consistent growth. She is still wearing 0 - 3 month clothes, but they are getting too short. We did move in to size 2 diapers this month.
She still hates tummy time, but can roll over when she wants to. She is sitting better and better, although she still needs a little support. And she loves to stand and bounce. She may just skip crawling and go straight to walking (I hope not).
"You Are My Sunshine" is still her going-to-sleep song. I can't even begin to count how many times I've sung it. Stephen made up a song about the baby in the mirror (who is very entertaining), and she loves that one, too. When she was really small, she loved the Fall Out Boy song chorus "Light em up up up..." It was on the MLB commercial during September/October and Stephen started singing it. For a while, it was the song that soothed her best. But I think we've graduated from it now.
She definitely has her difficult moments, but we love her dearly.
