When are you having kids?.......

When are you having kids?  It's a question that all newlywed couples are asked countless times, and a question that becomes more pressing as you've been married longer.  It's also a question that has begun to cause a knot in my stomach.

The only posts I've written up to this point have been about traveling.  They've all been pretty surface level, stuff I would tell a stranger on the street.  I've decided to take things a little more personal, although it's still stuff I would talk to to most people (but perhaps not a stranger).  The reason I decided to do this is partly related to that question,"when are you having kids?".  Instead of having to explain the situation to everyone individually, I know some people will read it here.  Also, I haven't seen many blogs about this stuff, so maybe it will help other people or help connect me to people going through the same thing.

First, some background.  Stephen and I got married 5 years ago, and I had a "5 year plan" at the time.  A year and a half to finish my BA and get my credential.  2 years to get tenured.  And a year and half to travel (in particular, a Europe trip).  If you know us at all, you know we've now checked all those things off.  Then I wanted to get pregnant and have a baby in March so I (as a teacher) can go on maternity leave around spring break and then have the whole summer before I go back to work.  So about a year ago, we started trying.  No luck.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, a fairly common thing (5-10%) for women.

*If "ovarian" freaks you out, stop reading here.  Fair warning.*

For me, the biggest issue with the PCOS is a totally random menstrual cycle.  Pretty much, I skip a period every other month.  Which is awesome in general because periods suck, but no bueno when you're trying to get pregnant.  No period = no ovulation = no baby.  And having an irregular cycle means when I do ovulate, it could be anywhere in a 50-60 day period of time.

I knew I had PCOS (since high school), so my OBGYN told me after we tried for a year, she would refer me to a fertility specialist.  So she did.  They sent the paperwork, including the cost sheet.  Right now we waive Stephen's health insurance and use mine, which only covers 50% of fertility treatment.  Basically this means the initial visit and tests would cost us around $600.  With Stephen's health insurance, we only pay a $15 co-pay.  But we can't change insurances until my open enrollment effective date (July 1st).  So we wait.

In the meantime, my OBGYN offered to run some tests on her end, including an ultrasound.  At the ultrasound, they found that it looked like I had a bicornuate uterus.  Known as a "heart shaped" uterus, that's exactly what it is.  It's pretty rare, only effecting .1 - .5% of women.  Figures.  From what I've read, it doesn't really effect you when you're trying to get pregnant (that's just my PCOS).  But it does mean that if/when I get pregnant, it will be high risk.  There is a much higher chance of pre term labor, or second and third trimester miscarriages.  Depending on where the baby implants, if it grows into the lobe of the heart, the uterus doesn't expand and it will kill the baby.

We did an MRI a few weeks ago, hoping to get more information.  But the only answers we got were that they confirmed I had a bicornuate uterus and they weren't able to tell if there was a septum or not (a division inside the uterus).  Basically no more information than the ultrasound had given.  So $50, a relatively stressful 20 minutes in an incredibly loud machine, and no more answers.

I am trying hard to remember that God's plans are better than mine.  But I am a planner and I like when things go as planned.  So this is very difficult for me.  Stephen remains positive and optimistic, and I am trying hard to do so as well.

So in answer to the "when are you having kids" question: hopefully soon, but we don't know.